Year End Thoughts!

Earlier this month I was asked for my Christmas wishlist. I had to think about this over and over and over again. What do I want to get for Christmas? This was then the only time, that I realized that what I wanted were not things that you could get off the shelf. Its not also something very tangible. For someone thats been through the rough patches I've been, what I would really want to have is just peace of mind. That peace and calm you get when you know that you are doing well in the game called life. This peace comes with a certain type of joy. The one that you can never be robbed off. This is all that I want. No worries, forgetting of the uncertainties and just living in the moment. The kind of peace that you get so overwhelmed with and all you can say is thank you.

At this point Im far from having that peace. Im mostly numb and confused. Sometimes I find it hard to get myself out of the bed and make something out ofnothing. The pit I may have dugged might be too deep for me to get out of. The broken pieces of myself needs so much help to put together. So bizarre how I cant help myself as much as I'd willingly help others. So weird to be in position of control yet losing grasp of what I really am controlling.

Its certainly a long shot that I'll get this for Christmas. Heck, I don't think I'll get it so quickly too.But I guess, thats more than just a Christmas wish, but rather a lifewish. Something that I'd want to have for always.

And for my real Christmas list, I ended up asking for a particular shade of lipstick, a jacket (which is my current obssession for some reason) a bag and possibly all the shoes I lay my eyes on.

Well, I do hope that everyone had a happy and meaningful holiday! On to 2015 everyone! :)

What you are now, are scars, tears and smiles of the past. You have managed to effectively weave the different colors and aspects of your life. You will never know what you are weaving though, but everyone you meet will have a glimpse of it.

As I sit here and count the days until the end, I can't help but think. What comes next after this? What next interest should I pursue? What other avenues can I explore? There are so many questions yet to be answered, so many more yet to be discovered.

As I sit here going through various stories in multiple websites, I think to myself that the only way to know is to find out myself. Reading about others making the most out of their opportunities, leaves me unafraid to take on the challenge.Going after what your heart speaks, leaving all reason behind, fills a person with butterflies. And yet it excites. Because really, we know nothing, until we come up with something.