The Light

There are days when I feel like complete and utter shit. Then somehow, the universe snaps me out of my bubble and shifts the way I look at my life. Life may not be exactly how I picture it, but it doesn't mean theres no hope.

Life sometimes just forces us to look at life from a different perspective. The thing is, we have trained ourselves to look at what we lack more than appreciating what we have. The society often reminds us of our shortcomings rather than celebrating our uniqueness.

Its hard to see the good when you keep your focus on the bad. We get so blinded by the darkness that we dare not see the light. We have chosen this as our normal. We have chosen to be in a hole and just to keep on digging.

Its hard, believe me. It is hard to just one day shift our focus. It is a constant struggle to fight off the negativities, to not get sinked in the deepest of trenches. Life sometimes seem to be limiting. It is even frustrating to a point. But despite its darkness, it is beautiful; because even then, there is a flicker of light.

As we choose to live in the dark, we are also given the choice to chase the light. It may sometimes even harder than what we've hoped for but it is vital to keep our eye on the flickers that we see. The challenge is constant, sometimes it is relentlessly unforgiving. But despite that we have to give ourselves ourselves a chance. No matter how little of it we see. Life is all about perspective anyway. We have to power through everyday. We have to be able to choose the light. We have to be able to see through the blind spots and keep on going. It is going to be difficult but there is so much more than pitch dark. There is hope, there is life. And even in its difficulties, even in its trials, life is beautiful and we have to choose to see it.

They say that sometimes the smallest step you take could eventually becomes the biggest and most important one you'll ever have to make. I guess this is true.

Earlier today, I did what I wanted to do for quite a while now. It is pretty insane if you think about it. Going into the world of the unknown, of having absolutely no clue of whats going to happen, but you know what, I don't regret even a tiny bit of it. Like what they say, you could only learn when you leave the boundaries of your comfort zone. On the way home, I was laughing at how I ended up here, but I am absolutely looking forward to this.  May great things come from that one small step.

Year End Thoughts!

Earlier this month I was asked for my Christmas wishlist. I had to think about this over and over and over again. What do I want to get for Christmas? This was then the only time, that I realized that what I wanted were not things that you could get off the shelf. Its not also something very tangible. For someone thats been through the rough patches I've been, what I would really want to have is just peace of mind. That peace and calm you get when you know that you are doing well in the game called life. This peace comes with a certain type of joy. The one that you can never be robbed off. This is all that I want. No worries, forgetting of the uncertainties and just living in the moment. The kind of peace that you get so overwhelmed with and all you can say is thank you.

At this point Im far from having that peace. Im mostly numb and confused. Sometimes I find it hard to get myself out of the bed and make something out ofnothing. The pit I may have dugged might be too deep for me to get out of. The broken pieces of myself needs so much help to put together. So bizarre how I cant help myself as much as I'd willingly help others. So weird to be in position of control yet losing grasp of what I really am controlling.

Its certainly a long shot that I'll get this for Christmas. Heck, I don't think I'll get it so quickly too.But I guess, thats more than just a Christmas wish, but rather a lifewish. Something that I'd want to have for always.

And for my real Christmas list, I ended up asking for a particular shade of lipstick, a jacket (which is my current obssession for some reason) a bag and possibly all the shoes I lay my eyes on.

Well, I do hope that everyone had a happy and meaningful holiday! On to 2015 everyone! :)

What you are now, are scars, tears and smiles of the past. You have managed to effectively weave the different colors and aspects of your life. You will never know what you are weaving though, but everyone you meet will have a glimpse of it.

As I sit here and count the days until the end, I can't help but think. What comes next after this? What next interest should I pursue? What other avenues can I explore? There are so many questions yet to be answered, so many more yet to be discovered.

As I sit here going through various stories in multiple websites, I think to myself that the only way to know is to find out myself. Reading about others making the most out of their opportunities, leaves me unafraid to take on the challenge.Going after what your heart speaks, leaving all reason behind, fills a person with butterflies. And yet it excites. Because really, we know nothing, until we come up with something.