"and so I thought you had a unique name until I saw your name in a blog post as an alias. I just laughed, laughed at the thought that the world needed to remind me of your existence. so to you, the person with a not-so-unique-name I wish you well."

To My New Favorite Person. :)

To this one girl I've known since I don't know when.

Looking back at all the years we spent knowing each other, we were never really close. I mean not even in pictures. Those two pictures are from years ago, here are pictures from 2010!

And even when our YFC Family got smaller we still spent so much time apart. We had our different groups, lead different chapters and all of that BUT 2011 gave us a chance to be closer and I mean really close!!!

I've always believed that we meet people in our lives and some of them we could consider a friend while others just plain acquaintance, and I must say you were in the middle, we we're close enough to be acquaintances but not enough to be really friends. You get me? But then we call each other pet names, which I find really weird, well yea. There's a reason why we call each other LM right? :))

2011 has been a rough year and on the contrary it also had been one of the best years. 2011 proved to me that people do come and go but there also constants in one's life. C'mon we've known each other for years now, we don't talk as much and who would have thought that you would be the very first person I poured my heart out to. The very first person I actually had the courage to be truly honest to. That sleepover at Marie's and EK brought our friendship to another level. Nuxx.

So to my newest favorite person in the world, I just want to thank you for being there when I badly needed someone to talk to. I now know that when I feel that nobody could understand me, I just have to remember that I have you in my life and that and you give out the best, spot on advice that I need. Its wonderful to think how our friendship grew and how in each triumph and trial I've been through, you have been there. I love you, Mer! Thank you for being the friend that you are to me!!! I super appreciate all the random talks that we have. The DM's, Inbox and texts we send each other. Do know that I will always be there for you too anytime! :) Through the ups and downs. I will be there like how I was there on your first roller coaster ride, as they say, life is a roller coaster right? :p I have your back 100% in anything okay? :)

LM, just keep on writing, its nice to read your thoughts!!! (You guys better read her blog here! She's an awesome writer!) You are an inspiration to many especially to me, so just be the awesome person you truly are, the world needs to know you, the world needs someone like you!!! :) And as for the boys, they'll regret it one day. But seriously, one day you will have your own happy ending, for now you can be bitter and cynical towards love and I'll pray and wait with you as the right man comes and changes all your perception towards it. :p

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense, its almost 5am now (Feb 10) and I just wanna greet you a

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :)

love you to the moon and back, Meryl Ligunas. :)

Bad Mornings

There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning than being scolded and people pretty much gang up upon you. And it comes to a point where you want to leave everyone you care and love behind for you to find the life you've been wanting and live the life you've been dreaming. It comes to a point that it becomes a battle between you and other people and it would eventually end up between you and yourself. 

Times have been tough. Life has been nothing but a bore recently. There really isn't anything going in my life. I am sad with the state of my life right now. Not that I don't get to work or I'm such a useless being but I am sad because at this point in my life, I can't even stand up for my own and still let people tell me what to do. My reasons would never be understood because I believe on things that are extreme. I am an extreme type of person and I do know what I want deep inside and knowing how I work and my attitude towards life, it takes a lot of thinking and discerning before I can decide on something and really sticking to it.

I am stubborn in nature and I guess I just always thought that opportunities would come my way, I mean, I did my part and somehow yet again the world is conspiring against me. I am slowly losing grip on things. Losing faith in my dreams that those are unattainable and that at some point in life, I do need to sacrifice for comfort purposes. I believe in the art of compromising that all my life I've compromised that even with just living my life, I still have to do it. Before graduating college I promised myself that I won't work just for the sake of working but then I think, I am giving in, just to satisfy everyone around me. Just to be the good girl that I am, because I am that type of person, I am happy just seeing people happy.

It kind of frustrates me that at this point in my life, I can't even make decisions for my life. Its frustrating that I get people disappointed and what's more frustrating is I really want to be someone great, someone people thought I would never be, but then I fail at it again, and end up to having such a disappointing life. Yes. My life is out of control. My life is being lived by the people around me. I could for now settle in making sure the people around me are happy and I get my own chance in happiness and accomplishment after a few years. I know if you are reading this, you would think that I am crazy, but no I am not. I know things will turn out fine, because I CANNOT just wait and create opportunities for me and let my life pass me by. Maybe its not yet the time to live my dream. But yea, as long as what I am doing is bearable and the things I will be doing is enjoyable, I think I can settle. Yet again I am compromising but maybe this time around, I'll be satisfied and this will lead me to making smarter decisions in the future.

And to whoever is reading this now, I pray that you have the courage to live the life that you want and for that I will admire you. Congrats to you! As much as I want to envy you and trade places with you, I wont because sometimes, you have to make mistakes, take the wrong road to know the right and to appreciate it. Life should be enjoyed and days are supposed to be lived and at this point I am just wasting every second for me to become the great person that I am. Things will turn out better than what I have always planned. :)

For now let me cry out the disappointment I have in my life. Just know that if you are disappointed of me then I am twice, thrice ten time more disappointed than you are and that's why I am following you, no matter because as you always said, there are certain things in life that we MUST do even if we don't want to.