There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning than being scolded and people pretty much gang up upon you. And it comes to a point where you want to leave everyone you care and love behind for you to find the life you've been wanting and live the life you've been dreaming. It comes to a point that it becomes a battle between you and other people and it would eventually end up between you and yourself.
Times have been tough. Life has been nothing but a bore recently. There really isn't anything going in my life. I am sad with the state of my life right now. Not that I don't get to work or I'm such a useless being but I am sad because at this point in my life, I can't even stand up for my own and still let people tell me what to do. My reasons would never be understood because I believe on things that are extreme. I am an extreme type of person and I do know what I want deep inside and knowing how I work and my attitude towards life, it takes a lot of thinking and discerning before I can decide on something and really sticking to it.
I am stubborn in nature and I guess I just always thought that opportunities would come my way, I mean, I did my part and somehow yet again the world is conspiring against me. I am slowly losing grip on things. Losing faith in my dreams that those are unattainable and that at some point in life, I do need to sacrifice for comfort purposes. I believe in the art of compromising that all my life I've compromised that even with just living my life, I still have to do it. Before graduating college I promised myself that I won't work just for the sake of working but then I think, I am giving in, just to satisfy everyone around me. Just to be the good girl that I am, because I am that type of person, I am happy just seeing people happy.
It kind of frustrates me that at this point in my life, I can't even make decisions for my life. Its frustrating that I get people disappointed and what's more frustrating is I really want to be someone great, someone people thought I would never be, but then I fail at it again, and end up to having such a disappointing life. Yes. My life is out of control. My life is being lived by the people around me. I could for now settle in making sure the people around me are happy and I get my own chance in happiness and accomplishment after a few years. I know if you are reading this, you would think that I am crazy, but no I am not. I know things will turn out fine, because I CANNOT just wait and create opportunities for me and let my life pass me by. Maybe its not yet the time to live my dream. But yea, as long as what I am doing is bearable and the things I will be doing is enjoyable, I think I can settle. Yet again I am compromising but maybe this time around, I'll be satisfied and this will lead me to making smarter decisions in the future.
And to whoever is reading this now, I pray that you have the courage to live the life that you want and for that I will admire you. Congrats to you! As much as I want to envy you and trade places with you, I wont because sometimes, you have to make mistakes, take the wrong road to know the right and to appreciate it. Life should be enjoyed and days are supposed to be lived and at this point I am just wasting every second for me to become the great person that I am. Things will turn out better than what I have always planned. :)
For now let me cry out the disappointment I have in my life. Just know that if you are disappointed of me then I am twice, thrice ten time more disappointed than you are and that's why I am following you, no matter because as you always said, there are certain things in life that we MUST do even if we don't want to.
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