To My New Favorite Person. :)

To this one girl I've known since I don't know when.

Looking back at all the years we spent knowing each other, we were never really close. I mean not even in pictures. Those two pictures are from years ago, here are pictures from 2010!

And even when our YFC Family got smaller we still spent so much time apart. We had our different groups, lead different chapters and all of that BUT 2011 gave us a chance to be closer and I mean really close!!!

I've always believed that we meet people in our lives and some of them we could consider a friend while others just plain acquaintance, and I must say you were in the middle, we we're close enough to be acquaintances but not enough to be really friends. You get me? But then we call each other pet names, which I find really weird, well yea. There's a reason why we call each other LM right? :))

2011 has been a rough year and on the contrary it also had been one of the best years. 2011 proved to me that people do come and go but there also constants in one's life. C'mon we've known each other for years now, we don't talk as much and who would have thought that you would be the very first person I poured my heart out to. The very first person I actually had the courage to be truly honest to. That sleepover at Marie's and EK brought our friendship to another level. Nuxx.

So to my newest favorite person in the world, I just want to thank you for being there when I badly needed someone to talk to. I now know that when I feel that nobody could understand me, I just have to remember that I have you in my life and that and you give out the best, spot on advice that I need. Its wonderful to think how our friendship grew and how in each triumph and trial I've been through, you have been there. I love you, Mer! Thank you for being the friend that you are to me!!! I super appreciate all the random talks that we have. The DM's, Inbox and texts we send each other. Do know that I will always be there for you too anytime! :) Through the ups and downs. I will be there like how I was there on your first roller coaster ride, as they say, life is a roller coaster right? :p I have your back 100% in anything okay? :)

LM, just keep on writing, its nice to read your thoughts!!! (You guys better read her blog here! She's an awesome writer!) You are an inspiration to many especially to me, so just be the awesome person you truly are, the world needs to know you, the world needs someone like you!!! :) And as for the boys, they'll regret it one day. But seriously, one day you will have your own happy ending, for now you can be bitter and cynical towards love and I'll pray and wait with you as the right man comes and changes all your perception towards it. :p

Sorry if this doesn't really make sense, its almost 5am now (Feb 10) and I just wanna greet you a

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :)

love you to the moon and back, Meryl Ligunas. :)

Bad Mornings

There is nothing worse than waking up in the morning than being scolded and people pretty much gang up upon you. And it comes to a point where you want to leave everyone you care and love behind for you to find the life you've been wanting and live the life you've been dreaming. It comes to a point that it becomes a battle between you and other people and it would eventually end up between you and yourself. 

Times have been tough. Life has been nothing but a bore recently. There really isn't anything going in my life. I am sad with the state of my life right now. Not that I don't get to work or I'm such a useless being but I am sad because at this point in my life, I can't even stand up for my own and still let people tell me what to do. My reasons would never be understood because I believe on things that are extreme. I am an extreme type of person and I do know what I want deep inside and knowing how I work and my attitude towards life, it takes a lot of thinking and discerning before I can decide on something and really sticking to it.

I am stubborn in nature and I guess I just always thought that opportunities would come my way, I mean, I did my part and somehow yet again the world is conspiring against me. I am slowly losing grip on things. Losing faith in my dreams that those are unattainable and that at some point in life, I do need to sacrifice for comfort purposes. I believe in the art of compromising that all my life I've compromised that even with just living my life, I still have to do it. Before graduating college I promised myself that I won't work just for the sake of working but then I think, I am giving in, just to satisfy everyone around me. Just to be the good girl that I am, because I am that type of person, I am happy just seeing people happy.

It kind of frustrates me that at this point in my life, I can't even make decisions for my life. Its frustrating that I get people disappointed and what's more frustrating is I really want to be someone great, someone people thought I would never be, but then I fail at it again, and end up to having such a disappointing life. Yes. My life is out of control. My life is being lived by the people around me. I could for now settle in making sure the people around me are happy and I get my own chance in happiness and accomplishment after a few years. I know if you are reading this, you would think that I am crazy, but no I am not. I know things will turn out fine, because I CANNOT just wait and create opportunities for me and let my life pass me by. Maybe its not yet the time to live my dream. But yea, as long as what I am doing is bearable and the things I will be doing is enjoyable, I think I can settle. Yet again I am compromising but maybe this time around, I'll be satisfied and this will lead me to making smarter decisions in the future.

And to whoever is reading this now, I pray that you have the courage to live the life that you want and for that I will admire you. Congrats to you! As much as I want to envy you and trade places with you, I wont because sometimes, you have to make mistakes, take the wrong road to know the right and to appreciate it. Life should be enjoyed and days are supposed to be lived and at this point I am just wasting every second for me to become the great person that I am. Things will turn out better than what I have always planned. :)

For now let me cry out the disappointment I have in my life. Just know that if you are disappointed of me then I am twice, thrice ten time more disappointed than you are and that's why I am following you, no matter because as you always said, there are certain things in life that we MUST do even if we don't want to. 

'"Never stop dreaming of whats best for you"

Something I've heard in Liveloud.

"Believe in your dreams, they are YOUR dreams"

Something I heard while driving yesterday.

"20 seconds of courage, 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery"

Something I heard from We bought A Zoo.


These maybe just extreme case of coincidence but these phrases, are the words that I needed to hear. I guess all I needed were affirmations and I got those. I believe now, ITS TIME.

Sabi nga sa "Book of Answers": Adopt an adventurous nature. (Not really sure with the last word but gets?)

Hopefully everything turns out the way it is in my head in the next couple of days, but if not, there's nothing to regret, atleast I tried.

Judgment and Knowing

Judging a person and knowing a person are two different things. We are subjected to judging based on how we see them or how they are wanted to be seen. From a distance and from what we know of them, from the hearsays of many others around us. There comes a point in our life, where we get the chance to know that person and sometimes to our surprise they are not exactly who we thought they were.

Perception towards a person is one of the most objective things in life. It varies from one person to another. It varies from a persons' point of view and on how open-minded the other person is. A lot of people are misunderstood, and a lot are boxed in stereotypes. Sometimes, its just so hard for other people to understand another because of the judgement that they already had prior to getting to know the person.

In my life I've learned that as much as first impressions do last, judgement often doesn't. Sometimes, you'd be surprised at how opposite that person really is. Its just disappointing on how people expect judgments of others to be true or just generalizing another's personality for a single thing he's done. No judgement shall be put on anyone without knowing who that person and what made that person resort to such thing. Next time you meet another person, know them, and I mean really know them before saying anything. 

A Friendly Reminder

There is something scary in uncertainty. The new beginning. The unknown seems so vast that it could consume you inside. It seems so dark that all you can think about are what ifs. But as people say, don't let life happen, make YOUR life happen. There are times that you need to let go of your doubts and just trust the man above that He has plans for you and remember He won't let you go astray. I always tell everyone to follow your heart and I think its time for me to listen to myself. Every wasted day is wasted opportunity to fly; fly higher than the birds above, where the view is prettier and brighter.

Nostalgia

So last night, I read one of my closest college friend's year-end entry in her blog and it made me nostalgic of the good times I had with my classmates. I know its crazy, but the latter part of our college life, we literally missed each other despite seeing everyone everyday. Its the only time I knew that it could be possible, miss some people that much. Its crazy! Since we were all busy we barely got the chance to catch up and if we had the time too, we were too loud and that's the noise that I actually miss the most. These group of girls are the best friends one could have a mix of fun, smart, crazy college girls, everyday seemed like a normal day, that we all got a good nights sleep and we don't have a deadline in the next few hours. So let me introduce to you the people behind me, if not for them I wouldn't be who I am. Yes, as much as they are my college blockmates they are also the people who believed in me when I never did. 

My class! This was during the final rehearsals for graduation and our departmental picture taking.
Top Row (L-R): Cerina, Alex, Kikx, Ayra, Ria, Phoebe, Ann, Gelli, Ysche, Set Byul, Tiff, Fatima
Bottom Row: Me, Melinda, Kaiz, Marg, Bianx, Anne

Shakey's Katip. Its always where we eat out as a class even now, that we're done with school.
Clockwise (L-R): Alex, Bianx, Kaiz, Fatima, Gelli, Anne Tongo, Ann Marcos, Cerina, Ayra, Phoebe,  Tiff, Kikx, Ria

With my college barkada. I wouldn't know how and who I'll be without them!
Always making my day better and making me eat! :)
Clockwise (L-R): Marg, Marsha, Melinda, Frou, Ann, Me, Ysche, Anne 

With two of the people I spent my endless nights with. Tiff and Cerina

With my first friends in college ever! With Pia and Marsha

After Activate. One of the most stressful things we've done! The re-launch of MC's Communication Department. Congrats CA3!!! :)

Who would have thought we could actually play a decent basketball game.
Top Row (L-R): Sir David, Aizel, Me, Ayra, Cerina, Tiff, Bianca
Bottom Row: Anne, Marg, Gelli, Kaiz

After the awards night for Bidyo Fest 2010. (L-R) Bianx, Cerina, Ayra, Me, Gelli, Ms. Ethel

This maybe the most stressful of all time project we actually had to come up with. Our  short film that we were asked to make in 2 weeks. I'm proud of our production and I am even happier that we got recognized during the awards night. OMG. Who would have thought. And I'm just happy to have spent this moment with my CA3 loves.

Taken during our last field trip. This was inspired by ANTM's Petite Cycle, which btw, we were watching on the bus! I have crazy crazy classmates, believe me, and mind you this is just half of us.
Clockwise (L-R): Aizel, Ann, Fae, Gelli, Marg, Ayra, Cerina, Bianx, Anne, Marsha, Ysche

I wouldn't have been able to graduate from college without them. So many memories. We missed each other despite seeing them everyday, so what more now, that we don't even get to talk with each other. I read somewhere that goodbye's are meaningless and temporary. There's always a next time to see them around. So to my beloved CA3, I will see you again soon. Lets all relieve the good old days, until then, take care and God Bless!

In 2012

Its 2012, and it is just fitting to write about my 'resolutions' as my first blog for the year.

Before I write down my list, it needs to be said that I never do resolutions because I know deep in my heart that none of it will ever be accomplished. I remember that I made a promise to myself to believe in me and I take this to be a challenge. This year I will challenge myself, in  every way possible.

This list is not in order, I'll just write the resolutions that randomly pop in my head.

1 - Be less impulsive. Less impulsive in shopping! I have a problem saving because I'm such an impulsive buyer. I have a ton of clothes because I just buy clothes that I think look pretty on  me not knowing where to wear it. So I have a couple of clothes that I haven't worn, yes with the tags on! To be honest, I do have some clothes that I only have worn just once. I always think that I could wear it again, but if its time for 'dressing up' I already have another set of clothes in mind since that was recently purchased thus its once again pushed to the sides of my closet. And also sa super dami ng damit ko, I run out of hanger and closet space so what I do is, I de-clutter my closet to have hangers and just pile up clothes to be sent to the province. And its not just in clothes, but also with shoes. My shoe closet doesn't have space anymore. Naawa na ako sa sapatos ko please, it needs more space. Okay, this will be the toughest for sure.

2 - Be less judgemental. I take it back, this maybe even harder that the first one. I don't know, but I do seem to always have a say on  people. I know its bad but sometimes, when their clothes are not well put-together it really gives me eye-sore. I mean, I may not be the best dresser, but I would like to believe that I know how to put my clothes together and well. Its just really hard to not comment on them. And yes, I do have a say on everything and sometimes, well most of the time, I think aloud. This is bad really. So yes, I will try to change this. As much I could.

3 - Be less sarcastic. Yes. I will be less sarcastic. But sometimes, one couldn't help it but be sarcastic with stupid questions and reactions, so please do me a favor and use your common sense more often so that it will make things easier for me too. Thanks. Okay this maybe humor for some but others don't handle sarcasm well, and sometimes my comments are too sarcastic that its too realistic and I know it hurts so yea. I will try my best.

4 - Read a book EVERY month. I've been reading books a lot especially since I had been stuck at home for months now, but the thing is, I only read when I'm in the mood and I would like to make it a point to read at least one book every month. There is a pleasure in reading books, especially the really ones you could relate to, it seems like someone else knows how exactly you feel, the words you want to say, the things you want to do. In reading I gain new perspective and it makes me think of things, and I do want to think because I feel mature every time, I think and realize something new.

5 - Be more patient with other people. I am makulet, yes but I don't know, it just annoys me if the person I am talking to is super kaduper kulet. I can't really explain but gets, sometimes OA na lang kasi magreact yung tao, you just wanna shout at their faces and say "OO NA, GETS KO NA PWEDE MOVE ON NA TAYO, OA na eh!"   I don't know, I really have low tolerance on people sometimes I just wanna be alone and there are times I crave to be around people.

6 - Be less 'caring' with people. Okay, this may sound off but seriously, this item could spare me less trouble. I mean I care about the people that are important to me and really, it sucks to care so much especially if they don't want you to care. So yes, if you tweet sad shit on twitter, I will try my best not to ask you, 'what's wrong?' in the past years I realized that if someone needed someone to talk to, they wouldn't tweet their feelings and instead really talk to that person. So ikaw kung nagpapapansin ka lang, please spare me the trouble of thinking what may be wrong with you. Kung nagpapaawa ka at nagpaparining ka lang, also do the world a favor and don't tweet it. I know its emotional release pero naman, if you're not willing to talk about it, don't let others empathize with you. So again I appeal, please help me do this by not letting me know how you feel.

7 - Prioritize. My schedule, my time, my priorities. I mean, I want to do a lot of things, I have different sets of friends and its just hard to like do jumble everything up not to mention my occasional sumpongs of tamaditis. So yea, this year, I promise to make sure I get to meet everyone up. Okay, this is kind of crazy knowing that I don't have a job and yet I seemed so pre-occupied pano na lang kung meron na? Oh well. I shall pray for this one. 

So I guess that's the end of it and while writing this, I thought of the things that I want to do for this year, all general and hopefully I get to fulfill it! This year, I will try more often, learn more things (cultures, trivias, sports etc.) travel to more places, learn some more, eat food that i haven't tasted, go out of my comfort zone, make more friends, meet more people, stray from the norm and the list goes on. And this year, I want to make my life different from what I used to not because this maybe the end of the world, but because I do believe that its time.

So, I just realized that most of the things written here are my resolutions to how I respond to other people. Maybe I have really matured over last year and this year, its time to make it happen. But really what I really prayed for this during the New Years mass is this, to be less indecisive. Yes, I've been more safe than sorry all my life and this year I prayed to God to just give me the courage to go after what I really want, to not mind the what ifs and just take the leap. This will be hard, this will need a lot of prayer, a lot of conversations with God, but hey who wouldn't want to have that right? I know I couldn't do it alone, so yes, this year I will surrender to God's will. He will make my greatest dream come to life and I just can't wait to start this year! :)

Mela Diary: SG December Adventure

I was planning on another trip to Singapore by the last weekend of November for the 'Lives Made to Worship' Praise Concert of the YFC's there. Everything was set except for one thing my ticket. It even came to a point where my dad was the one asking me if I would still go, and then my sister suddenly wanted to go to Singapore during her Christmas break and so, I decided to not go anymore for the concert and instead join my sister in December.

Our flight was at around 4 or 5 and my parents were a bit too paranoid, we went to the airport too early. Well, it was really because they still had late lunch to go to and the wedding of my cousin after. So while stuck at the airport and not wanting to go in yet we decided to eat first in Pancake House.

When we were finally done eating and was left with nothing else to do, I decided to play with my newest 'accessories' -- Kola. :)

 

LENS: Red

LENS: Green

LENS: Orange

Kola really is just filters and you can either put it on top of the lens or the flash depending on what you want to achieve. Eventually we had to go to the boarding area and all I did was read. I'm currently reading 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close'.

The relief of seeing this sign! Off to Singapoooooore!!!!

Why hello there Singapore!!! (I do suck in taking pictures without a flash)

When we got there we were greeted by Kate. And since we seemed messengers from the Philippines, we still had to do one errand before going home and that is to give shirts to a friend of a friend. We seriously had one whole maleta for all the bilins. And when that was done, we went straight to the house. We fixed up a little, figured out the wi-fi then off we went to Downtown East which was a 5-10 minute walk depending on your speed. Kate left us there since she still had a party to go to and so we were left to explore the place on our own. We decided to have dinner in Burger King then went around the area.

With Mr. Funny and Miss Chatterbox :)

This is basically what I did-- retail therapy

Little Mr and Miss.

The plan for the next day: WE WAIT FOR KATE TO GO HOME, GO WITH KATE TO VIVO, SHE'LL ATTEND SERVICE WHILE WE GO TO SENTOSA TO BUY TICKETS.

What happened that day: We woke up without Kate in the house so we decided to just go shopping in Downtown East at around 2pm we decided to go home and since we had a feeling that Kate wouldn't show up we decided to just walk to the station since we didn't know where it was and the fun started when we started walking to the station, it started drizzling and we didn't mind it as much until the rain came pouring down and we didn't have anything to cover ourselves, but we had no choice but to brave it anyway. Then we started our adventure to Vivo then to Sentosa.

 boo! some photos cant be rotated, I don't want to make you all tilt your head just to see my face! :))

RED M&M's mascot. OMG!!!

So if you're wondering what happened to Kate, well we were supposed to meet up with her for dinner but she was still her hangover self so we just decided to have dinner and while waiting for our food I played with my beloved KOLA again.

When we got home it was such a relief seeing Kate home and since it seemed like we were all back in college we decided to watch an 11:50pm showing of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. Yea, we cool like that eh!

The following day, Kate decided to take the day off.

Here we are all fresh waiting for the bus

From Bugis we went Somerset to meet more friends. It was also where Ernest, Paolo and Gico also met us then from there we went to Coldstone. Aaaaaaah. Ice cream!!! <3

Then from Coldstone we had early dinner then went to IHM for Simbang Gabi and to meet with some more YFC's!!!

With the girls: (L-R) Me, Kam, Aika, Elisha, Ellaine

With the boys: (L-R) Kam, Ernest, Gico, Niguel, Allen, Me

We had our little adventure when we got off  the station. We had to walk all the way to the church 'cause they guys weren't really sure what bus to ride and to top this all of we had to walk under the rain and man it was raining really really hard but it was fun!!! When we got to the church we were already seated then we had to move to a different pew since the pew where we were seated was apparently reserved, but then the others followed us upstairs, creating a scene or what? HAHAHA It was such a good feeling seeing old faces. Despite the short amount of time that I got to spend with them the last time I was there I felt warm around them and I did really miss them. And as if we weren't tired from all the walking that we did, we still walked all the way back to the station to go home. So yea, that day was beyond tiring!

The next day was the most anticipated day of the trip, trip to USS!

At the Madagascar ride!

lining up for Shrek 4D

After the lamest show ever-- The Donkey Live (but it was super hi-tech!)

On the other end of USS. That's far far away land!

Battlestar Galactica, my most favorite roller coaster still!

I was really jumping up and down when I saw Bumble Bee

Transformers Ride, this got to be the longest wait ever!

After the Mummy Ride

It would take me 10 years to write what went down in USS it was a crazy day, tiring yet really really fun! After USS we met up with Ernest to have dinner then strolled along Orchard. It was super crowded then there were 'gimmicks' on the side. Pardon the next two pictures, it was rushed and I didn't even get to set it on the right mode.

The worst part of this day was that we had to start re-packing our stuff already. That would have been the most bittersweet moment of 2011, like fo'real!

For our last day, Kate invited us to their school's Christmas Party! OM. She does have super adorable students!!!

We had to leave by lunch then off for last minute shopping! Then we had to rush home fix some things rested awhile then off we go to the airport. Our flight was at 8:50 so we had to be there early on. And as if we didn't have enough adventures, our flight got DELAYED. Our flight was first moved to 10:00pm then to 12:15am. Mind you our ETA in Manila was 12:10. WHAT HAPPENED EH? So while we stranded in the airport, thank goodness Changi was super nice, we went around, abused the wi-fi and eat.

Our meal for the night-- Chicken Rice!

We got back in Manila around 3:45 waited for our luggage for at least 10 minutes and then finally we got home.

So that was it, that was the end of our adventure in Singapore. The five days reminded me of how blessed I really am. It was great to see familiar faces and it was such a great experience to realize a few things in my life. I will never get tired of going to Singapore. Until next time, SG!

PS. Thanks for bearing with my face. :)) Not the best travel entry but yea, thank you still!

The 11 Highlights For The Year 2011. :D

As the year 2011 is coming to an end, I decided to write a blog on how this year went. I remember as 2010 was coming to an end, I said that 2011 will be an awesome year. So let me write down the 11 highlights of my 2011.

This year started with me finishing our THESIS. I will never forget the stress that this caused me and at the same time the fulfillment I felt when I finally saw the hardbound copies with the signatures!!! OMG. I wanted to throw a party!!! But seriously, the process of making our thesis, tested my patience and tolerance towards people. After everything done and countless of sleepless nights I'm just proud of me and my group mates that we we're able to write and defend our thesis. :)

This has just to be said, part of the best things that happened to my year was the AZKALS, You see, with the rise of the Azkals, it also came with papers and finals and lots of them. And I have to say thank you to the Azkals, for keeping me company and sane at the same time during this tough time. In what way did they do this, well you have to be Tiffany Uy or if not get to read our 100++ paged conversation about school work and yes, the Azkals. Ibang klaseng makabaliw ang last hurrah for school and Azkals were keeping us sane, at least thats what we want to think! Aside from this, it was also fun watching the Azkals live! Hooray to me, I got to watch 2 matches. One vs Sri Lanka and the other versus Kuwait. :D

What's the best way to detox from the loads of school work but to have an out of town trip! This was perfectly timed since this was scheduled right after my finals week. Although, I still have a deadline by Saturday morning, I did all my best and submitted early my Media Laws paper! My family decided to fly to SILAY (BACOLOD) to visit my Mom's family there. It was also the first time after almost 11 years that we get to visit them again. The last time we were there we spent the holidays with them and sadly, my lolo died. We got to catch up with my cousins. We stayed there for the weekend after my finals week and that means when I got back here in Manila I'm on a one month break just waiting for my grades and rehearsals for Graduation. But you know what sucks is that after three weeks, we had to fly back because my lola died. No one expected this and my mom, sister and I had to rush back to Bacolod. It was such a heartbreaking moment especially after seeing my mom super indenial of what happened. And in this trip my little cousins got super fascinated with me and my sister that they want to come with us back in Manila or atleast we go back there and went back there we did. My sister and I went there for the 40 days of my lola and got to really bond with my cousins! So you see, we made bawi the 11 years in just 3 months!

One of the biggest things that happened to me during the year 2011 was my COLLEGE GRADUATION!!! Finally after 14 years of studying I am DONE with that chapter in my life. This was really the end and the beginning. This has to be the most bittersweet of all since I super love my block mates, we've been through a lot and we've seen each other in our worst and of course our best. But we all have to move on and continue our journey independently keeping in mind we have each other.

This year was also a year of DESPEDIDAS. I had two of my friends leave to study abroad. First is PJ, I knew of his leaving just a few weeks before he actually left and good thing he got a week or I think even a month delayed so it gave us more time with him. We even had a surprise despedida for him which sadly he found out, and mind you this was one of the more stressful things I had to do this year. Its not just throwing a party but we had to secretly do that we sometimes have to do in his place and we had so much to do and we're only four and to top it was also scheduled during the week of my defense!!! I'm such a good friend sometimes. HAHAHAHA. Anyway, it was also fun to get to see all of our friends just sad that it was because one of us was leaving. Oh well, that's life and life has to go on. My other friend which is now based in San Francisco is Nina. We all knew of Nina's plan to study abroad in 2010 and she always always gets delayed and we always always take advantage of the time we get to spend with her and we were even telling her, she wouldn't push through and when she finally had to leave for the states, what's funny was she even went to watch a quarter of a PBA game before heading to the airport, devoted lang eh. HAHAHA During her despedida, we had so much fun as well. It felt like it was my party since I had friends who were also her friends that were there. I didn't even get to hang with the people I always hang with. That's how intense it was.

Next on the list is ILC in CDO this year. The trip maybe be short-lived but it was worth it. Aside from it being the ILC, and ILC's are always fun, it was the first time that I went to a YFC conference without my sister and Dea. It seemed like the start of a new ere in YFC. And apart from that, we all got the chance to be silly and bond hardcore! This may also be because we had few delegates this year giving us more chance to bond. Late night bonding with the cluster was ofcourse beyond worth it. I just wish that I could back to the city and try their tourist attractions. Yes, as lame as it may sound, I wasn't able to go try White-Water rafting and the Zipline in Bukidnon, but I believe that in time I'll get to go back to that beautiful city. And while I'm on it, lets all continue to pray that CDO and Iligan can rise above the recent flooding and that they may slowly get their lives back. 

From one beautiful destination to another. Next of my highlights is my trip to BORACAY.  So this was my first EVER trip to Bora and my family decided to go on this trip to celebrate my parents' 25th Wedding Anniversary!!! So what was supposed to be a family trip turned into a vacation with friends. Okay, let me be clear with this. We were with Nina and Yma to begin with and after a tour around the island my parents gave us the permission to go on our own besides it is Boracay. So my parents had their 'date' while we go around on our own, that we only see each other in the hotel. And the best part of this trip we stumbled upon more friends which made it even a better trip. We even made new friends. Seriously that trip was fun. I would always always look back to May of 2011 and would want to relieve it over and over again. It would be fun to go to Bora to detox and just escape the business of the city. I couldn't really go to details because as what they say, what happens in Bora stays in Bora ;)

This year I've been blessed to ride the airplane numerous times. This time I flew to SINGAPORE and twice at that! :D Let me share to you both trips, and wait for my other blog about the recent trip there but here's the gist of it! The last week of May I flew to Singapore with Reg to join the Cross Culture. In 2008 my sister joined the team that went to Singapore and ever since I've always wanted to visit the country and a few years later I was given the same opportunity and it was worth it. We stayed there around 2 weeks, stayed with a host family, met YFC's from Singapore and most importantly have a one-of-a-kind Jesus experience! I can't really explain what transpired and how I felt during those 2 weeks all I know is that I feel blessed to have been there and given the chance to meet all of them wonderful people. In Singapore I found what I was looking for, it made me understand things more and it made me want more things for my service, for my chapter, for my cluster. YFC Singapore has been an inspiration ever since and what's best is that I found great people along the way. The Cross Culture Experience is actually a tie with my Graduation as the best things that happened to me this year. When I was leaving for Manila, they were all convincing me to go to back on November for the Praise Concert. I was really scheduled to go but for some reason the supposed November trip was pushed to mid-December. This was a different trip, it consisted of shopping and bonding with one of our friends who's now based in SG. It was fun exploring the other side of Singapore and walking around and the best part was we got to meet our friends there and they're still as awesome as ever!!! I think I can always always go back to Singapore. I love SG!

One of the most unforgettable experiences of 2011 for me is the ULTIMATE ALL STAR WEEKEND. If you're a basketball fan this seriously should be on the highlights of your 2011. Who would have thought the the likes of Kobe Bryant, Derrick Rose, Chris Paul would actually play a legit basketball game here versus selected PBA players and also our very own Smart Gilas. The best thing about this was that I got to witness it live, well the game versus the PBA selection at least. If you wanna know more about this experience you could read it here.

Next thing was this year's METRO MANILA CONFERENCE. You see around this time of the year, I wasn't my best self. I was questioning a lot of things, thinking of my future and what it holds and basically looking for answers. I've always attended every MetroCon since I joined YFC and it seemed like this was no different but it was. This conference spoke to me. I wouldn't go into details for this post 'cause I already blogged about it. But aside from God's message this was particularly a different YFC experience 'cause for one there were only a few of us who came, second is that the YFC's who attended weren't the usual YFC's and so we got to really bond with those who went. What's best was the basaan and Agawan Panyo after the conference.

Last on the list was our trip to EK with my beloved household! Us girls decided to sleepover at Marie's house. We had an ultimate girl bonding talking about different things that mostly centered about boys. We didn't realize the time and the next thing we knew the sun was rising and it was time to prepare so we could still hear mass before going to EK. EK is always fun, the rides may not be as exciting as it used to be but who cares its really the fun that we'll have with each other that would really matter in the long run right? It started with bump cars and bullying Trish, to really lame water ride, to the crazy Anchor's Away moment, to the insanely long line in Log Jam, through Space Shuttle and 'Horror House', to the anticipating drop of EKstreme and finally to getting all wet in Rio Grande Rapids and screaming 'yung bag'. This day was beyond fun, I mean seriously it was not only the chance to be with my second family, but also this binded us even more, yes we are cliquish like that. Allow me to share a blog post written by Mer. Going home was a totally different story and it was a chance to catch up with an old friend. That weekend has been really great, really really fun. Thank you God for this kind of family.

So that's it for my 11 highlights for 2011. This year has been great, it wasn't as exactly like what I had in mind, nothing of MY plans with my life ever pushes through anyway. This year has been tough, emotionally especially. It has been an endless roller-coaster ride, people may have left but at the same time I gained more. Non-stop laughter together with an endless stream of tears, the many days spent by my lonesome and the countless hours spent with friends, of travels here and abroad, of book I've read and movies I've seen. Life has still been good despite everything. There are times I question and at times I suddenly come across the answer. The random 'reflections' in life I've had.

This year has been crazy and this year has taught me numerous things. Despite things not going according to what I planned, I am still thankful after I realized what 2011 really has brought me. This year, God made sure that I am assured with myself and what I want to do with my life. This year, God gave me the chance to know myself even more, to re-discover myself and to re-define myself, by who I envision myself to be. This year, I was given  the chance to love, love not only other people but also love myself. To love myself without hesitation and know my worth.

2011, I thank you for bringing out the best in me. I thank you for making me realize what I want to be. And to everyone I spent this year with, from my college blockmates to my A3 family, to my basketball-related friends, to YFC Singapore to my own family thank you. Thank you for making this year as it is. I love you all and I'm looking forward to another year with all of you!

Crazy or what?

Our driver is crazy. You wanna know why?

1 - When I drive, I can't go past 20kph. He gets mad every time, I'm more than 20 in his words, mashado na daw akong bumibilis. But since, I'm pasaway I always go beyond 20. :)) 

2 - He's more tensed for me more than I am for myself. As in sometimes, he just pulls up the handbrake like I don't even know why. He actually thinks kaskasera ako, when in fact I'm not. :))

3 - He never lets me park. He thinks I can't park. :))

4 - He drives for us but he never makes me drive to the places I usually go to, but he brings me to the more challenging roads. As he puts it, he wants me to drive in 'heavy traffic' situations. SMH


5 - He is never happy with how I drive. He always gets mad at me, then when I adjust it, he gets mad pa din. What could a girl like me do? :))

And actually there's a lot more reasons but I couldn't really think of it at this moment. But do you agree with me or what. He is crazy right? :))

Smorgasbord

Disclaimer: This post is full of random thoughts. Forgive me. These are ideas/ thoughts I've wanted to write the past few days but I haven't had the chance to. I will divide this post into 4 lets see how this post turns out. 

I

A right thing is and always will be THE right thing but a wrong thing accepted to be right, well that's a whole different story.When does this even happy? Could this be even possible? A right thing is BUT right while the wrong one can go either way, it just depends on how you look at the situation. Sometimes just saying the flat out truth and talking about it is better than making the person feel better about themselves while you make yourself feel better think that you're such a good person for what you've done. Okay, I won't go preachy but really what I'm trying to say is that do we really want to live our lives in shortcuts, in thinking that the wrong thing is the right thing because that's the easier way out, or are we going to be man enough, be courageous and keep on doing things the right way, no matter how hard it will be, who will get hurt and the little sacrifices that we have to do. Living our lives head on makes us even stronger and wiser, it somehow makes us feel that we are getting most in our lives. 

II

Have you ever felt that you have the world on your shoulder? Living day in and out with problems here and there. Well I guess, we've all been at that point in our lives and sometimes we're brave enough to lift of each of our problems and resolve it; but other times, we just push them away, pretend they don't exist. We go on, like everybody else on the surface all happy and jolly but deep within  we are crippled and broken. On bad days, someone strikes a memory from a previous pain, buried with joy in pretension and we are once again faced with our life's reality that we really carry more than we recognize and we feel doubly hurt because we thought that all along we've forgotten about it. The truth is, we just couldn't really let it go. We couldn't let go of many things in life despite the pain it brings for the happiness that it is associated with. We feel that as long as we hold on to that one thing in our life, we could be happy or at least be that happy, but of course we thought wrong because we just allow ourselves to feel the pain of the memory, of the things we can never have and of the things that we wished we had-- we are slowly being masochists, plotting our own depression. Honestly, it is in facing it, experiencing the pain until all of it is gone could we only feel lighter, that somehow we got rid of it, and as it cliche says, we could truly move on. It is in the realization of the gravity of things, the acceptance of the circumstance could we truly derive our strength from. We could be broken and broken things could never be like the original one but we should always remember that we can never live in the past but rather we should be living in the moment and realizing each moments' potential of pain, sorrow, suffering and most importantly joy. 

III

Sometimes, we make our decision based on our emotions while at other it is based on our rationalization of things. We plan things but it didn't exactly go as planned and it turns out something better was in store for us. Sometimes, we only think of how much fun it would be for ourselves that we forget that we have more responsibilities to other people. We have to realize that one thing doesn't happen not because it was a bad idea but because it only does good to a few people. We have this notion that we have to look far to find our joy, our peace of mind, our purpose but in truth all we need is right in front of us. Besides our happiness and the reason behind all of those are just the same, we just mature and think differently from time to time but ultimately deep inside we still have the same formula for happiness, satisfaction and peace in our life. We just have the tendency to look at things from a different view and in a different perspective but in reality it is just the same.

IV

We are all looking for answers. Everyday we have a new question about our life, sometimes the answer is right in our faces but we still couldn't take it in.afraid of the unknown. We sometimes get too scared to step out of our comfort zones, afraid of what lies ahead unto the unknown. We have a picture of ourselves in our mind and yet we are scared on how we will get there. It is more than frustrating for one, but you know what's amazing, is when we get affirmation in weirdest ways. That we will be alright, we have to believe in ourselves that we deserve it and make sure we don't sell our self short of what we truly are capable of. We get the sense of assurance that whatever we have to go through in our life we will be ready for it, ready to endure it. After all our heart's desire is the most important and living it will be a dream come true. It would be like the princess finally having her happily ever after. Sometimes, these affirmations, no matter how small and weird it is, it gives us the boost that we need to take the step of faith, to finally conquer our fears and chase the dream. It is in that simple affirmation, in simple words where everything big and grand starts. 

Life is just a matter of perception, how we plan to look at the things happening in our lives. We go through our own battles, no one lives the perfect life, but we could always picture our ideal life at how we want our lives to be spent. Our lives is designed to be beautiful, there maybe the occasional hurts and suffering but really who cares if we have more than half a day laughing until we cry, we all get to sit down and eat with the people that we love and just have fun and enjoy ourselves and the company of others. We just need to have a beautiful outlook in life to be able to live it beautifully. It is only us who can live our life and it is really in seeing the beautiful, in doing the right, in being courageous and fearless, sensitive yet strong, that we could be able to live our life the best way we could.

Thirteen Reasons Why

I just finished reading Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher.

Clay Jensen returns home from school to fins a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker-- his classmate and crush-- who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made it the list.

I first saw this in FullyBooked, Eastwood. I really got curious about the title, good thing was there was an open copy and so I randomly opened the book and read one of the pages and in that instant I knew I wanted to buy the book. And it didn't disappoint. As I turned the page of this book and as Hannah shared her reasons for committing suicide I could feel her pain. I could feel where she was coming from the helplessness she felt, how people just taken her for granted not even trying to know her despite the rumors and the gossip going around the school. She took all of it and it crushed her, broke her which eventually led to her death.

As I said earlier I felt the pain that Hannah was feeling. I think we've all been through something that we've always thought that no one could ever understand what exactly we are feeling. After reading this it dawned on me, are we really misunderstood by people or we just don't let them in enough to actually understand us? I mean, let's face it, if we look closely there must be that one person who wants to help us. Who despite what it takes would understand us. You get me?

Personally this book reminded me how even the small things we do to another person, matters. On the surface it may seem small but we have to remember we don't really know what they're going through inside and thus we do not have a single idea on how one thing, no matter how small it is, affects the other person. Sometimes, we just go through the motions not knowing how much we have affected the person next to us. For us it may seem silly but for them it is personal, too personal even. No one would really know how exactly a broken person feels because as broken as he/ she is, she still wouldn't let everyone know that she is. We all have our own coping mechanism and what we show other people is how we only intend other people to see us and of course this has more depth to it than what we know. So yes, its true when people say or you read the statement "you only know my name and not my story". People could just jump into conclusion create gossip that would eventually believed as true by most and yes, it could break the person talked about, apart.

I have been through what Hannah has been through well not that kind of gossip but I could relate to her in terms of letting those words said about her get to her and act based on that. I've been through so much criticism in my life that it broke me that even, I, myself doesn't know who I am anymore. Its hard just dealing with people who say hurtful words towards you, but what's tougher is that you have to battle the fight on your own. Its not merely you against them but its you against yourself. As they say, 'you are your own worst enemy'.

Give some people a slack, give them a break because you do not know what that person is going through. Try understanding people even more. Look beyond what the eyes meet. People especially those like Hannah have their walls up and doesn't really trust anyone. Its hard to earn the trust of those people. So if you really want to be of help, be sincere and don't ever give up on them. Don't you ever give up on people. You have to give them more time, you have to make them feel that you could be trusted, you have to make them feel that unlike the others, you won't hurt him/her and keep in mind that you will never know how a simple 'how are you?' matters to the broken.

PS. Here a link to a Tumblr post about the book. Quotes. Quotes and more Quotes. That could actually help you understand this blog post even more.